Saturday, April 3, 2010

A slave, a King... A dream.

At sixteen years of age a dream came to me one night and I've never escaped it's power and presence. So consuming was it in all it's passion and the impact its had on my thoughts and direction for the ensuing years.
I dreamed of love. Complete, honest, selfless and whole. She stood before me in this dreamland with her dark hair, her green eyes and a laugh that is rapturous to me still.
The few precious hours of that dream lasted for months to my sleeping mind. My dream Lady and I walked hand in hand through the difficulties and humor that is a life entwined. She was everything to me and I smelled her, tasted her on my tongue and there was room for nothing else inside of me. I was a slave and a king.

And then came the dawn. Barely awake, her scent began to fade from my soft pillow and I realized the truth. She was gone forever and I would never share my life with her again. How I cried.... How deeply I mourned her loss.

Foolish feelings go hand in hand with a foolish heart. I mourned her through my classes and during my daily run in the pine forest. I mourned her in my bed alone at night where I could still imagine her caress. For months my broken heart ached at the loss of her...

Through all the years between then and now I've found vestiges of her. I've seen shadows in my lovers and I smile when they sing, dance, cry, laugh, sigh, speak and glance my way with... Everything that lies behind the eyes of a woman.

I've found her there.

But last night I had a dream. After all these years I had the same dream as I lay alone in my bed... A man now and not the boy who only thought of a lover and a safe haven from the world. A man with the burdens and responsibilities of life and, I dreamed again.

It was her but, not. Her raven hair was golden and her green eyes had turned to blue... The scent of her was the same as I picked her up and hugged as hard as I dared. Pure laughter in my ears and her skin so soft against my beard and cheek...

"Daddy" my lovely daughter said..

"Yes, Darlin?"

"I like my bicycle."

"I hoped you would."

My dream self set her down and watched her as she ran to the door, all smiles, joy and childhood innocence..

"I'll be back. I'm gonna ride my bike!"

"Alright Darlin. Be careful.. I'll be right here."

"I love you Daddy!"

All smiles and excitement she ran outside to play.

"I love you too little Darlin...."

And I woke this morning to the sunrise over my favorite mountain... Horses to train and stalls to clean and a fence that seems to need mending.

Changed by my life's desire..