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After a time spent staring at the mountains and shadow I'm left wondering what history will say about my part. The small part that belongs only to me. What will be the result of my being?
My part in a brutal video game that glorifies our ongoing war, causing bold pen strokes from the new recruit years from now. For Mature players only....
My part in this small corner of a small farm, feeding old, tired horses at 2am with only a sliver of moonlight to see.. My penance for a broken heart. Loving more than I was asked and talking too much for too long.. I wonder with amusement. What will be said..
The yellow wolf eyes of the puppy at my feet gaze at me with such intensity and they wonder also but, I can't fathom the words and questions in his loving eyes...
Does he know I sold my honor for that video game, hoping to show my then wife that I would do what needed to be done no matter the personal cost? For my nieces and nephews so that they would know that possibilities are everywhere if they but believe in themselves and have the strength to try?
My misguided attempts it seems... Slippery and treacherous is reality and life when one seeks to achieve more than simply a bowl, a bed and a bone. Those things are necessities...
Fighting for an ideology will break a man if he isn't strong enough...
The burden feels heavier at times.
Love
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What is honor today? I have lost some faith in it...I have had such faith in it all my life, only to find it perverted by everything I believed in. Some video game doesn't make or break your honor...it is a badge you wear on your heart, it is there every day when you wake and still there inside you when you go to sleep.
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