Sunday, January 24, 2010


The morning alarm rings so soon to wake me to the still dark day. It seems that I drifted off to sleep only moments ago with my ankle pressed against hers. It’s a constant contact that still allows freedom of movement but relays an enduring and comforting sense of presence and intimacy. She moans and roles over, checks the alarm to see if there is some silly mistake or, if she truly does need to ready herself for the coming day. It's true and to soon, far to soon. I see her silhouette in the dim light as she lowers her head again into the pillows and I hear her breath as she collects her thoughts. I love her. We lay there gently flirting with sleep and wakefulness as the morning sounds begin to encroach on our small private paradise. As she settles, I feel her searching under the cover with her leg to touch me and I move closer to her. Just a simple touch of skin. There are only a few moments left before "the others" require our time and attention and I bask in the feeling of warmth and stillness with my love by my side feeling the same.

With a sigh she rises, slowly, cautiously, gently brushing aside the warm covers and feeling her way on the creaky old wooden floor with her toes. The clothes dropped in haste last night are an obstacle to the shower that will push her into full consciousness this morning. I hear the warm water begin to flow and then the vibration of the 80 year old pipes tell me that she has turned on the cold water as well, the next sound will be the shower curtain being pulled closed. Now it's time for me to rise as well, though no work calls me today I still have responsibility.

I stumble into the small kitchen and realize that I left our dirty dishes in the sink last night but, no matter, there is time to do them today while she's gone. I fill the stainless kettle with water and turn on the old gas oven. She likes her coffee a certain way so I do my best to remember the exact sequence that brought a smile to her face last time. The milk should be poured into the porcelain mug which should then be place close enough to the burner to warm it, but not close enough to burn her when she closes her delicate hands around it a few minutes from now. 1 tablespoon of sugar and 1 tablespoon of coffee are added. I adjust the amount of coffee knowing that she fell asleep a little early last night and she'll be fine without this being full strength.

I have a few minutes before the kettle begins it's insistent whistle and she turns off the shower so I turn on the computer and make our bed, all the while listening to her progress in the other room. Should I make her an omelet or a bowl of freshly cut fruit? I settle on the fruit since she has a limited amount of time before she leaves. Organic apples, bananas and grapes for this morning I decide though I hope they're sweet enough to compete with the sugar in her coffee... Maybe some honey and yogurt?

Oh, I can hear the shower curtain and she'll be drying off now. I stand watching the water and wishing it would boil quickly. I want the coffee to be waiting for her on the desk. As I hear her brushing her teeth the kettle begins to whistle I smile because I win again and she'll come out wrapped in her fluffy baby blue robe and I'll have the steaming cup of coffee ready for her as sure as clockwork. I pour the steaming water into the mug, stir it quickly then rush to get it onto the desk in time, and then rush back into the kitchen so she doesn't see how much I'm trying to be quick for her... The old floor creaks again as she walks to the computer and sits down to check her email. She lifts the cup to her lips and, from the kitchen I hear her quiet "Hmmmm" and I smile....

So many people lose their loved ones tragically every day. I at least know that I cared about every spoonful of sugar and every smile that it brought and, that she was loved by a man, with all his heart, mind and soul.... She would never ask me to care about a cup of her coffee as much as I do.... But I can't not care..... She is all I ever wanted and she makes me a better man every day I'm with her...

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